CARLTON, THE CRIME FIGHTING PIG

Chapter 3. The Interview

Carlton headed south from Kanab. He climbed hills, skirted mountains, drank from pools of cool water. Basically, he followed Kanab Creek as it wound southwest to Arizona. He never saw another living thing besides a few of Utah's State Reptiles, a California Condor, and half a dozen Turkey Vultures.

He'd begun to think he would never find people and then he stumbled into Colorado City, Arizona, a polygamous little town.

But let's return to the Ironwood Pig Sanctuary and my interview with Carlton.

Startled by the pig's ability to talk and his decision to initiate the conversation with me, I was taken aback. To mask my confusion, I reached into a desk drawer for a pack of cigarettes. The drawer was empty. I'd forgotten that I had stopped smoking a month earlier.

Even more shaken, I grabbed a pen and a notepad and asked Carlton his name and how he had gained the ability to talk.

My hand shook and my writing was scarcely discernable as he shared his amazing life story.

"After arriving in Colorado City," he said, “I fed myself on whatever I could find on the street and sidewalks. One of those things was a radioactive ant that, after being digested, it gave me super powers."

"Okay," I said. "You've got super powers."

"That's what I said, sir."

"Prove it," I responded.

"Speaking English is no small potatoes," he said.

Believing I had gained the upper hand in our debate, I confronted him with this:

"I can speak English, too."

"Is there an intelligent person I can talk to?" the pig asked.

Deflated, I shrunk in my chair and asked him what other super powers he had.

"I can fly," he said.

I feigned indifference and gazed over my shoulder. My heart was pounding like a steam hammer, though, as I forced myself to ask the natural followup question.

"Prove it," I said, not looking in his direction.

"Is this place a pig sanctuary or a freak show?" he demanded. "Maybe I've come to the wrong place." He turned from me and trotted to the door.

"Wait!" I yelled. "Don't go."