Fun Facts & Fables

Share this post

Carlton the Homeless

charlesclemens.substack.com

Carlton the Homeless

Charles Clemens
Jan 16
12
10
Share this post

Carlton the Homeless

charlesclemens.substack.com

After he fled from the castrating devils at Ironwood, Carlton had a difficult time. In fact, he had several difficult times. There was little scavenging to be done in Marana, Arizona and he nearly starved before flying to Phoenix.

Once there, he fell in with a carefree collection of vagrants and scofflaws. Many were military veterans. Some were simply bums, alcoholics, and dope fiends. They treated him well, though, and he was fast accepted as one of the boys. Few noticed that he was a pig. He was admired for his ability to acquire a seemingly endless supply of half-eaten hamburgers and packages of french fries from dumpsters. Like his new friends, he spent most days sleeping. His hoofs grew long and pointed. After dark, he made daily trips to Saguaro Lake where he played in the water and was able to drink his fill.

Long ago, he had forgotten his adventures as a piglet and his memories of enforcing the law in Colorado City were becoming fragmented and disjointed. He sometimes wondered if it had all been a dream.

His new companions seemed to live on gin, reefer, and scraps of discarded food. Carlton refused to accept booze or drugs when they were offered to him. For some reason, he preferred to maintain a clear mind. Sex partners were non-existent (though some of his fellows and gals offered it to him on a daily basis). At his age, he sometimes wondered whether he should return to Marana and allow himself to be neutered. His little corkscrew didn’t seem to have a purpose.

Then, one day, a discarded newspaper blew through the homo jungle he was living in and the picture on the first page startled him. He didn’t take time to read the accompanying article, but the picture clearly showed that in Boston, a statue celebrating masturbation had been erected.

“I’ll be darned,” he said. “I guess I’ll keep the thing for awhile.”

New, unfortunate looking Martin Luther King sculpture in Boston ...
10
Share this post

Carlton the Homeless

charlesclemens.substack.com
10 Comments
KW NORTON
Writes KW Norton Borders
Jan 16Liked by Charles Clemens

Last of his kind??? Seems to be a popular trend these days.

https://youtu.be/N1HqfDQezy0

Expand full comment
Reply
1 reply
Bert Powers
Writes Bert’s Newsletter
Jan 17Liked by Charles Clemens

That was a bad idea, by any stretch of the imagination. I know art is supposed to be in the eye of the beholder but......... I don't want that thing in my eye.

Expand full comment
Reply
8 more comments…
TopNewCommunity

No posts

Ready for more?

© 2023 Charles Clemens
Privacy ∙ Terms ∙ Collection notice
Start WritingGet the app
Substack is the home for great writing