Hawaii burns while FJB dabs Suntan Oil on his Nose

People often reflect on the wildfires that turned Lahaina, Hawaii into Pompei West. Some recall that at the exact same time Hawaii burned the brainless puppet that was installed by the Revolution in 2021 lay mindless on a Delaware beach, dreaming of ice cream and of the foreign money that was flowing in since he sold America to China and Ukraine.

FJB hadn't a worry in the world. He controlled the Justice Department, the FBI, and the military. His wife, a librarian who likes to be called doctor, hovered over her husband, gently touching his carotid artery from time to time and holding a mirror under his nose to guarantee that the upstart Kamela was not going to steal her home from her.

Porpoises were leaping out of the ocean on the horizon, but FJB didn't see them. All he saw, anymore, were kaleidescopic forms spinning and spinning around him. Some of them seemed to float closer. Some stayed a stationary distance from him. Some zapped like Tesla’s experimental waves and drifted away like clouds. When he saw an especially pretty one, he clapped his hands.

Doctor Jill wiped his nose and cleaned his aviator glasses. The führer didn't notice. He was lost in his dreams.

Meanwhile in Los Angeles, Carlton the crime-fighting pig had had his fill of the fourth Reich and its increasing demands. All across the nation, pigs and cows were being culled and turned into dog food at the giant mills that processed insects into stiff, gel-stabilized cubes for human consumption. These giant factories were staffed with illegal aliens and had begun the process of preparing the transhumans for their next giant leap into becoming the mindless drones their masters demanded.

Carlton first began stirring people up at bars and in homeless encampments. Day after day, week after week, the brave old pig told everyone that would listen about how the Biden Crime Family was about to destroy Russia, make Christianity illegal, and enforce a bug diet on the proles.

His presentations were heroic, convincing, and logical. He wanted to organize a team of radicals to go to the Lawless Areas and to build an army. Sadly, his audiences were stupid, crazy, drunk, or stoned. No one would commit to leaving their lives of government generosity.

Carlton was sitting at a booth in a shabby old diner that had been built in 1968 when something totally unexpected happened. In walked a feral Texas hog that had all the markings, the tusks, and the size of a full-blooded Eurasian Boar. It clomped over to where Carlton was sitting and asked, "Mind if I sit down?"

Imagine Carlton's surprise! And then, the stray pig put one of its hooves across the table, clasped Carlton's own and said, "Let's go upstairs, cutie".

It was at that moment, Carlton realized that the sickness that was Biden's 4th Reich had even reached down and poisoned the animal world. It was time to get to the Lawless Lands, put together an army, and retake America.